My Sirah - Chapter 1

Huluku Yang Dahulu

LEMBARAN PEMBUKA

Before I begin, I would like to open this story with a pre-apologies. Apologies for:

1. IF I sound arrogant. Personally, I truly hate arrogant behaviour. I'd even hate myself if I becomes like that even if it's just the molecules of it. I rather be seen (misunderstood) as being low self-esteemed than been seen as an arrogant by others (even if it's just a misunderstanding).
2. IF my words sound offensive to you; - Can't accept what I said. I won't ever force whoever, anyone to accept whatever I say.

As mentioned to some of my friends before, my life could be "novel". It could even be turned into a drama. haha.. Nah.. Not laugh at you. Laughing at self. Ok.. here goes:

Sebagai sesi PENGENALAN, namaku adalah Zul Ikhsan; Yang bermaksud "Yang Mempunyai Kebaikan (hati; prihatin)". Zul sahaja tiada erti. Ia merujuk kepada "memiliki 'sifat'". Bersendirian ia hanyalah "Z". Ia haruslah diiringi dengan perkataan lain untuk memberikan maksud. Sebarang sifat. Dan bagi Ikhsan, إحسن sebenarnya adalah al-Ikhsan. Ia adalah tentang sifat حسن, hasan yang bermaksud baik (akhlak). "KH" adalah kerana mahu mengeraskan bunyi ح. Oleh itu, namaku (secara) penuh adalah ذوالحسن, Z-ul-Ihsan dengan ejaan ruminya Zul Ikhsan. Maka secara keseluruhan, ia bermaksud, "yang memiliki kebaikan". Dan sedikit amaran keras.. blog ini adalah dwi bahasa. And here I go..

NOW a litlle bit more about me..

I always feel like my life is out of ordinary from others. Spot here, spot over here and spot over there. And that I'm more special from others. No one live the same life. The only thing similar with others may be the life schemas. But still feel like I'm not the same with others. Out of ordinary steps. In fact sometimes I feel like my life is like a film or a story in a novel.

Long Long ago there was one time, I told my father that: I feel very sad because I can't be the same with others. "Why am I not the same as other kids?! I always feel out of place." My father told me, my life is just more colorful compared to others. That was why I always out of place.

Maybe Yes. I had no choice but to agree with him. It is colorful.  I told myself, It's not those "rainbow colours". It's just odd colors; having green here, brown over there, orange over that place, some pink at this spot, and blackish-grey in this place. Odd random colors out of ordinary. Can be beautiful at this spot.. Be ugly.. Can be lovely.. Or at some other times, can also be yucky.. Nothing special. Just simply out of place.

Sebelum ku mulakan, biarkan ku kisahkan sedikit mengenai personalitiku.

1. SABAR - Ramai sahabatku melihatkanku sebagai salah seorang sahabat yang paling penyabar. Namun, yang kenaliku semenjak kanak-kanak akan ketahui sifat baranku ketika dahulu. Tidak terlepas daripada dipanggil guru dan dimarah ibu ketika zaman kanak-kanak.
2. PASIFIST - Dari satu sudut, aku bencikan perbalahan. Aku lebih rela mengangkat tangan atau kakiku. Namun Alhamdulillah kuiringi.. Kerana sifat sabarku yang telah diperkuatkan sesudah aqil baligh.
3. PEMAHAM - Alhamdulillah juga kuucapkan kerana aku mudah memahami keadaan. Jika mengenali seseorang, aku boleh mengenali sifatnya dengan mudah. Menjadikan mudah bagiku berlaku baik dengan orang lain. Salah seorang sahabatku pernah mengatakan bahawa mereka paling mengingatiku kerana sifatku.. Betul ke? hmm.. I never managed to prove it. Tak tahu macam mana nak buktikan pada diri. Then again, I guess my mom choosed a name best to suit me. Nama tengahku memainkan peranannya. 

If there are some more, I don't know. Teringat kepada satu kata tokoh: "Perkara yang paling mudah dilakukan adalah melihat keadaan orang lain. Tetapi paling sukar adalah melihat diri sendiri". So, my other personality I leave it.

Before I truly begin, I'll give a bit of summary about my life. Aku membesar dalam kehidupan yang sering berpindah-randah. Angkara itu, aku sering mengalami perubahan personaliti kerana kerap berpindah sekolah. Salasilah kehidupanku dari segi kedudukan kehidupan adalah pada mulanya aku tinggal di Pulau Pinang. Kemudian ke Ulu Klang, Kuala Lumpur. Sesudah itu aku berpindah ke Johor. Kemudian, keluargaku berpindah ke BB Bangi, Selangor pada 1997 sehingga kini. Dan aku sendiri pernah menetap di Shah Alam selama 3-4 tahun dan Kelantan selama hampir 5 tahun. Banyak tempat kan? Making my personality kinda messed up. I've already forgot how many nicknames I have according to situation and location. The only one I could only remember few ones; Ikhsan, Zul, Foler and Joe (some called me Joey). Overall I could categorize my life into 3 stage. Aku DULU, LAMA dan KINI.

So, I'll tell you in this post of my "Dulu" life.

HULUKU YANG DULU

Dengan Nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Penyayang

This part will be about my early stage of development. My growth until secondary school. Growth until final stage of physical growth.

Secara ringkasnya, seperti yang dimaklumkan pada mulanya aku seorang kanak-kanak yang bermasalah. Aku pernah classify diriku yang kanak-kanak sebagai seorang prodigy child. Mengapa prodigy child!? Kerana pemikiranku tak seumpama kanak-kanak lain. "Terlebih" pandai. Terlalu banyak benda pelik yang kulakukan. Bertambah dengan sifat baranku (tak reti bersabar), aku seumpama seorang kanak-kanak yang bermasalah. Dah la selalu gaduh dengan kanak-kanak lain. Pelik pula tu. Astaghfirullahal'azim. Pening aku kalau ada anak macam tu. Tak tau nak buat camne. Tapi Alhamdulillah diriku kini adalah jauh lebih baik. And there were some other reasons that I called my child-self as a prodigy child. Not only perangai pelik.. Ada banyak juga pengalaman pelik.. But can't remember them. Sorry bout that. In summary, I'm not like kids my age that you could commonly find everywhere during that time.

Ok, lets see.. I was born in Birmigham, England. Born there because my parents knew each other over there and got married over there. My grand-uncle was the wali. They got married while they were still studying over there. And while over there, I was born. They came back to Malaysia not long after I was born as they already finished their studies during the time I was born. Just waiting for the right time before coming back to Malaysia. Fear of giving birth on the plane. Siapa nak jadi bidan atas kapal terbang? Pramugari? Memang rules atas plane pun, perempuan mengandung tak boleh naik kapal terbang. Banyak sangat polisi. So, as soon as I'm ready, they took me back to Malaysia as soon as possible.

Next..

Next.. The oldest thing I could remember was that my father was that my father was a lecture at USM, Penang. Then again.. few times a had a glimpse of view of the time my father was still in England. He was carrying me to this some sort building. I think it was a wooden cottage. Or maybe not. Carrying me to see his friends. Boleh terima ke? Tak sampai 1 tahun lagi pun, umur masa tu. It can also just be an illusion.

Back to Penang; - Memangkan arwah datuk dan arwah nenek-ku orang penang, ibubapa ku kerap menghantarku tinggal bersama mereka. Mereka turut bersama menjagaku. Aku amat rapat dengan mereka. Ketika itu datuk ku adalah seorang pesara. Bekas Pengetua Maktab *something; don't know the name* (some people told me that it's way better than Penang's Freeschool) . Hanya satu perkara meluang masa yang dapat kuingati ketika bersama datukku. Aku sering mengikut datukku menghantar nenekku ke Dewan Negeri Pulau Pinang. A light sharing.. Nenekku merupakan bekas, Ketua Wanita Pulau Pinang (sebelum Siti Zaharah). My grandparents are individuals who are most respect by the people of the area. I truly LOVE them. Menyesal tak menangis masa diorang meninggal. Tidak terasa kerana datukku meninggal ketika aku masih kanak-kanak kecil. Dan nenekku ketika aku berumur 16 tahun (1999)..

Berair mataku kini.....~ Sayu..~

Saya terpaksa menyambung carta ini ke bahagian lain. Dijemput membaca Dahuluku Mula jika anda masih berminat untuk mengetahui hidupku.

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