OLD LOG:
Posted on Dec 29, 2006 at 05:59 PM
BY: ZIY Lama
Are you afraid of the dark? Of the loneliness? I wonder if I am so...
Since childhood, I am not afraid of the dark. Because I've been living in the dark since childhood. It doesn't bother me either I have company or not. But I'd prefer being alone. I was always a lone wolf.
Being around people or being alone doesn't concerns me. To me, with so many people; Well, it'll just give headaches to me.
In my early school days, many considered me as their friends. I, on the other hand, consider them as merely tools for me to lose my boredom and have fun looking at their stupidity. I never even once considered them as my friends.
With my family kept moving around, I would also be changing schools. Making me getting darker with every moves. I start to close my heart and built a wall around me. I don't trust anybody. The world is only full of lies, betrayal and hypocrisy. I hate everybody. Even best friends abandon their friend for personal agendas and benefits. I have solid proof on that. No one do things for others honestly. There will always be reasons for them to do something even for charity. Nobody would do charity without any benefit involve. I still believe that till today.
Each time I move to a new school, I would never try to approach others. Usually, it's my so called 'new friends' that would approach me. I said to myself, "why did these idiots approach me? Can't they just leave me alone? Well, let's just play along and let them be and have fun with their stupidity."
The only thing that I ever did was getting into fights with others. And get happy with every injury that I've inflicted. I won't ever open my heart and I would close my mind. I don't want to be hurt especially by separations and it is better to hurt than be hurt.
And lastly when I move to my school, I got into the top (again). But this time, I'm already bored with the brainy types. So, I tried to change my 'game'.
This time, why don't I try to approach?
(Here I've made my first 'mistake')
By approaching others, I slowly opening my heart. I started to value friendship. I put my friends as important as my life.
After I finish school, I got into higher studies in college. Here I've learned the true value of friendship. Believing in others. About opening my heart to others and learning to trust. Yes, trust. But still I trust wth cautious. I learnt that it is better to be in company of friends than being alone. Learning how to approach, building realtionship and have a talk. And how to LOVE which I never learn to do so (I never learn to love others, not even my family; except for my grandma. I only know hatred. Love only myself. Trust only myself). Sick isn't it?
Today. I felt regret about not taking value in all my old friends. Not truly making friends with them and fully having fun while playing them. Now, I'm trying very hard to keep company with others and trying to look for my old friends in my old homes and schools.
Am I afraid of the dark? Am I afraid of loneliness? The answer is NO. I am not afraid of being lonely. But now, I would prefer to have more friends and company around. I would prefer the light rather than the darkness.
I AM NO AFRAID OF THE DARK.
Posted on Dec 29, 2006 at 05:59 PM
BY: ZIY Lama
Are you afraid of the dark? Of the loneliness? I wonder if I am so...Since childhood, I am not afraid of the dark. Because I've been living in the dark since childhood. It doesn't bother me either I have company or not. But I'd prefer being alone. I was always a lone wolf.
Being around people or being alone doesn't concerns me. To me, with so many people; Well, it'll just give headaches to me.
In my early school days, many considered me as their friends. I, on the other hand, consider them as merely tools for me to lose my boredom and have fun looking at their stupidity. I never even once considered them as my friends.
With my family kept moving around, I would also be changing schools. Making me getting darker with every moves. I start to close my heart and built a wall around me. I don't trust anybody. The world is only full of lies, betrayal and hypocrisy. I hate everybody. Even best friends abandon their friend for personal agendas and benefits. I have solid proof on that. No one do things for others honestly. There will always be reasons for them to do something even for charity. Nobody would do charity without any benefit involve. I still believe that till today.
Each time I move to a new school, I would never try to approach others. Usually, it's my so called 'new friends' that would approach me. I said to myself, "why did these idiots approach me? Can't they just leave me alone? Well, let's just play along and let them be and have fun with their stupidity."
The only thing that I ever did was getting into fights with others. And get happy with every injury that I've inflicted. I won't ever open my heart and I would close my mind. I don't want to be hurt especially by separations and it is better to hurt than be hurt.
And lastly when I move to my school, I got into the top (again). But this time, I'm already bored with the brainy types. So, I tried to change my 'game'.
This time, why don't I try to approach?
(Here I've made my first 'mistake')
By approaching others, I slowly opening my heart. I started to value friendship. I put my friends as important as my life.
After I finish school, I got into higher studies in college. Here I've learned the true value of friendship. Believing in others. About opening my heart to others and learning to trust. Yes, trust. But still I trust wth cautious. I learnt that it is better to be in company of friends than being alone. Learning how to approach, building realtionship and have a talk. And how to LOVE which I never learn to do so (I never learn to love others, not even my family; except for my grandma. I only know hatred. Love only myself. Trust only myself). Sick isn't it?
Today. I felt regret about not taking value in all my old friends. Not truly making friends with them and fully having fun while playing them. Now, I'm trying very hard to keep company with others and trying to look for my old friends in my old homes and schools.
Am I afraid of the dark? Am I afraid of loneliness? The answer is NO. I am not afraid of being lonely. But now, I would prefer to have more friends and company around. I would prefer the light rather than the darkness.
I AM NO AFRAID OF THE DARK.
